This is What I Did by Ann Dee Ellis

Author:Ann Dee Ellis [ELLIS, ANN DEE]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: JUV000000
ISBN: 9780316040648
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Published: 2009-02-01T05:00:00+00:00

When I finally went back to Dr. Benson for my second appointment, I was ready.

Mom and Dad at first said I didn’t have to go and I said: Good.

Then, later, I heard Mom crying: It’s my fault. I was so manipulative. We should’ve told him what it was all about.

Dad: Yeah, we should’ve told him, Sil. But we didn’t know how to handle it.

And my mom was sort of sobbing. That’s when I went into their room.

They both stopped talking. Ugghh.

Me: Okay, what now?

Dad: I’m sorry, Logan. I’m sorry about everything.

My mom was trying to pull it together. She looked pretty bad — I’m not used to seeing her like that.

I went over and sort of hugged her.

Me: It’s okay, Mom.

Mom: Oh, Logan, it’s not okay. It’s not okay. We keep messing up.

And she was sobbing again, this time into the shoulder of my sweater, and it was really weird.

She was shaking and I didn’t know what to do and Dad was just sitting in his chair looking at his hands.

Finally Mom went into the bathroom to wipe up her mascara.

Me: What does she mean, keep messing up?

Dad: She means that we didn’t know how to protect you back on Mulholland and we thought Judge would be a better place for you. A place you could maybe restart.

Me:

Mom came back and sat on the bed. I was still standing there. Mom was so upset I wondered if it would hurt the baby. I think I read about that somewhere.

Dad: But, Logan, it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to go away. That’s why we found Dr. Benson. He’s really good and some friends recommended him very highly. We just thought it would be a good idea . . .

Mom: We thought it would help if you talked about it. You never talk about it. You always just sit in that room.

Me:

Mom: And I should have told you where we were going but lately I never know what you’re going to do. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. You barely talk about anything anymore. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t.

She was rambling and then crying again.

Dad: Silvia. It’s okay.

Mom: No, it’s not. It’s not.

That’s when she left the room and went I don’t know where.

I was sick of being in the middle of everything.

Me: Dad, I’m fine.

Dad: I know you are. You are. You’re handling everything a lot better than I would if I were in your situation. But do you think you could at least talk to this guy — a couple times? That would really help your mother, and I think it could maybe even help you.

I told him I would.

I told him I’d do whatever so that everyone could stop worrying about me.

And he said thanks: It was weird to have him say thanks how he did.

So the next time I went to Dr. Benson, I was ready.

Dr. Benson: So, Logan, how are you feeling?

Me: Fine.

Dr. Benson: I’m sorry about last time. I guess it would’ve been better had you known what you were getting into.

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